[ -A wheezy laugh. He's a little too distraught to make it a particularly good one- ]
Normally, yeah, don't give a shit.
.... how would you react to people you thought there was no chance of ever seeing again? But there they are. Matching whatever bit of memory you have left of them.
[She opens both eyes now, looking at the ceiling in honest thought.]
That's too broad a question, isn't it? The reaction would be variable, contingent on the relationship I had with the person I'm meeting again and why we parted ways. I could be happy or angry, or even suspicious depending on those things.
Uh... [ Zaveid goes silent for a long moment, trying to decide if he wanted to straight out tell her-
Fuck it. ]
One has been dead for a thousand years, and the other two hundred. When they were alive...
[ Silence again. ]
When they were alive, I didn't see any reason to stop living along side them. [ The words are getting confusing, as he didn't know them both at the same time, but... yeah. Something like that there. ]
[She's impressed he can remember a face, after a thousand years. On the cusp of eighteen, she's not sure she has room to talk, but sometimes even precious faces blur in her own memory, years apart from when she saw them last. Absences a fraction of a fraction of the time Zaveid has lived.]
You loved them, then?
[To confirm. To Rin, he's saying a silly thing in a heartbreaking manner, that for some reason he feels guilty for having wanted to live. She's not sure why anyone would say such a thing unless the ones they lost were important to them.
Then again, she would have been wrong on that assumption with at least one person she knows. She can't answer properly if she made a mistake in understanding him.]
[Calm, but firm. Firmer than she intended, but he had to say it like that, like he looks at the choice to live as some sort of waste—]
If we were all meant to die with our loved ones, the world would have ceased to exist a long time ago. It's right to want to move forward, to keep living and find happiness again.
That's your right. You deserve it, after surviving something so tragic.
[ He almost asks what he should get for surviving the Abbey, but, well. No this conversation is raw enough on his end already.
... A lot of things he could say are too raw on his end. "Keeps happening, so its hard to think the world wants me to". "Maybe Ozuma or his god agrees, and that's why their both here".
... But he shoves his tone lighter. Totally doesn't have the little vocal tells of someone who might be crying or anything still, not at all- ]
But that's kinda it. Two of the most important people of your life come back from the dead. At the same time.
... Shouldn't have been too much of a shock, Dezel's from like.. a hundred years ago... but..
[ He'd said, hadn't he? One a thousand years dead, the other only about two hundred. Ozuma's reach when he pulls in new heroes, right? It couldn't have been that... great, right? ]
He was a child a hundred years ago, for me- [ But there's still that edge of ... something that hurts while talking about him. And he didn't... deny that Dezel was dead, which he seems to realize. ]
last I saw him [ Shit that doesn't sound any better ]
He stopped growing at about my height.
[ ... all these past tenses aren't helping are they? ]
[Rin's eye ticks at his rambling, but remains silent at first, taking this new information in.
So the young boy she met; Zaveid has know him as a fully fledged seraph. He's seen Dezel grow older, and he was his friend, and then he died.
That means there's been at least three, then. Three people Zaveid cared deeply for and lost, who then were brought here.
What an unfair thing to be put through. It happens sometimes, the way life is. There's nothing to do but accept it and find a way to manage the situation appropriately.
Knowing this, Rin's heart aches all the same for him, as if someone stretched a hand through her chest and squeezed it tightly. He shouldn't have to deal with that. That only makes it crueler if he has to say goodbye a second time.]
[She gets weary eventually, of Zaveid's stumbling deflections, and cuts him off before he can say something dumber.]
Stop prattling, already. You're not convincing anyone.
[There's no heat behind the admonishment. She's not scolding him for being evasive, or because she wants the truth.]
If it's painful, you don't have to talk about it. We can just be quiet for a while.
[That would be better for him, right? She thinks he's starting to get it now.
He got blindsided by these new arrivals, and hasn't had time to work through it yet. That's why he hid inside her head. He's not ready to deal with it right now, and he certainly doesn't need to be pressured on it.
Unless he's ready to talk, she won't push him, then.]
[ His breath hitched like he was about to uh, continue prattling, because really, he was trying to fish for that.
The kid didn't deserve people looking at him and knowing he dies in the future. Zaveid had been trying to not say anythin - and he figured he did a pretty good job about it, but...
Maybe the Shepherd bond doesn't have a full two-way emotion read, but there's a flicker of warmth about her - either some overflow from Zaveid, or maybe his wind just circled a bit of warm air closer.
She's not Sorey - no one ever will be, his first good, proper shepherd. But he thinks maybe in a long list of fuckups, maybe he made a pretty good decision in reforming the pact with her. ]
Thanks [ Is a little rough sounding, because yes, he probably should have just requested to hide and dropped it to begin with.
But he is also Zaveid and sometimes he can't shut up. So, well.
It's about ten minutes before he speaks up. ]
I'm a massive idiot because I didn't think they were real. Kinda... shot them.
[ Before Rin freaks out, Zaveid should probably mention that his gun doesn't hurt seraphim.
But he forgot to mention that didn't he. ]
Oops. Sorry, I thought I'd already replied to this!
[She's content to stay quiet, giving him as much space as he needs for as long as he needs it. Feeling the air stir about her, she realizes it's him; intentional or by accident? She's not sure, and not about to ask. It's a breeze that puts her at ease, and she senses nothing wrong with it. She makes herself comfortable then, poking her toes out from just under the blankets to pull them closer to her chin, and think to herself behind closed eyes.
It will be hard to look at Dezel after this, and not think of what she's learned today.Hard, and not impossible. She feels badly for him, to know his fate, but it's not like he'll be struck dead the moment he leaves this world. From the sound of it, his end is tragic, but he'll be older. He won't be a little boy anymore. Maybe he'll even be ready for it.
Chances are much more likely it's not so clean, but Rin tries not to dwell on it. It's none of her business anyways, so she shouldn't meddle.
Ten minutes pass, and she forces her thoughts to wander to other things. How long it will take before she can go back to her room, if Sakura can be convinced to bring Koo by later for a visit, what she might like to eat later. Just idle things. She could try sleep again, but she'd rather stay up a little longer, if Zaveid wants company. And not long after thinking that, there he is on cue.]
Wow. Overreaction much?
[Yes, that's disturbing, but she's remarkably calm for such a confession. Sorta. She looks across the empty beds in the room towards the infirmary doors.]
[ They're empty, but as her gaze wanders Zaveid remembers that he had been thinking of hauling Eizen here.
He's stuck. Hopefully the earth seraph will be tired and grumpy and won't want to chat Rin up. ]
There... was someone, who used to use illusions over his ...bound seraphim. Seigfreid would break the illusion, and the seraph free, with just stunning them a bit... [ Sounds like something he knows from experience. ]
'cause there was no way I should have just accepted they were both.. alive, and here, right?
[It's the fact that the beds are empty that Rin focuses on. If no one was hastily brought in here, Zaveid didn't hurt them that badly then, right?
His explanation convinces her further of that, if it would just stun them. But when he poses that question, she has to plainly point something out to him, in the hopes it will help him work things out.]
It was just Dezel. [ Not because it was just Dezel, but that Dezel had shown up alone. Not that having Dezel was any lesser joy or anythin-
Because somehow that makes a difference.
Except it does, for him. There was no way something as nice, if potmentoally as messy, as having both big loves of his life here at once, would happen to him... ]
Been in awe of Ozuma if it was just Teo', but yeah. [ Silence for a bit- ]
The guy with illusions... He'd try breakin' people's will. S'a lot harder to fight happiness than some guy stabbing you. [ This isn't exactly personal experience talking... but it almost is, with the hoarseness to his voice.
Probably the last piece of what made him flip out, huh.... ]
[So in other words, Zaveid thought someone had been laying it on thick. Based on his explanation, to her his actions were reckless but not unreasonable, then.]
If you still have doubts, I can boss you around. You can do errands and all sorts of degrading work for me until you get so irritated you know this has to be reality.
[Is she serious or being cheeky, who knows with Rin...]
[She pulls the blankets up around her with her one good arm, and turns to lay on her one uninjured side. She grunts like it's not exactly... comfortable. But having to constantly lie on her back or sit ramrod straight for so long makes her feel cramped and needing to stretch, so it's preferable.]
You can't put it off for too long, you know. It's an unfair situation, but for every day you avoid them, your stress is going to increase too.
[ ... Is she saying he's got it bad as in he's handling this terribly (true), or that he's ridiculously head over heels for the pair of them (also true).
Zaveid can't tell and he's not that interested in asking to find out. Because its both, and .. he didn't realize he's that transparent to ... anyone who wasn't as naive as Sorey. Or maybe Sorey saw bits of it too, but was just too nice to actually ask or point them out.
He doesn't know-
A noisy exhale. ]
I know. Probably won't last much longer than a week.
[This is sarcasm. Zaveid, even a week is kind of long for these things...
Then again, who's she to talk? For all she likes to approach things head on, even for her there are certain people she can't be straightforward with. Rin sighs, speaking seriously again.]
It's not my business, so you can do as you'd like.
[ Look, time doesn't normally matter to him, Okay? Okay. ]
You can kick me out after a day or two, if you want. [ Not that... Rin herself can actively kick him out. A lot of the power in these Pacts rests with him, because they were designed that way. ]
["If" being the key word in that. She mumbles something under her breath shortly after that, actually; it's hard to make out, but it sounds like, "I'm surprised that you are."
Rin thinks to ask him about it, actually, but decides it would be too embarrassing. She'd have to admit just how poorly she feels. Here she's sitting in the infirmary with two broken ribs, and a arm that's more bruises, stab wounds, and muscle and nerve damage than flesh. It's painful, and worse than that it means she's not leaving here for at least a week.]
We'll trade. You can fetch me tea and give me privacy when I want it, and I'll read you bedtime stories when you get bored.
[HE'S GOING TO GET SO BORED. Or maybe that's just her. When Sakura isn't here or other surprise visitors, she's bored.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Normally, yeah, don't give a shit.
.... how would you react to people you thought there was no chance of ever seeing again? But there they are. Matching whatever bit of memory you have left of them.
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[She opens both eyes now, looking at the ceiling in honest thought.]
That's too broad a question, isn't it? The reaction would be variable, contingent on the relationship I had with the person I'm meeting again and why we parted ways. I could be happy or angry, or even suspicious depending on those things.
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Fuck it. ]
One has been dead for a thousand years, and the other two hundred. When they were alive...
[ Silence again. ]
When they were alive, I didn't see any reason to stop living along side them. [ The words are getting confusing, as he didn't know them both at the same time, but... yeah. Something like that there. ]
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You loved them, then?
[To confirm. To Rin, he's saying a silly thing in a heartbreaking manner, that for some reason he feels guilty for having wanted to live. She's not sure why anyone would say such a thing unless the ones they lost were important to them.
Then again, she would have been wrong on that assumption with at least one person she knows. She can't answer properly if she made a mistake in understanding him.]
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Yeah. [ It's hoarse sounding. ]
Even when they fell and I was nothing more than an annoying snack who wouldn't let himself get eaten, yeah.
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[Calm, but firm. Firmer than she intended, but he had to say it like that, like he looks at the choice to live as some sort of waste—]
If we were all meant to die with our loved ones, the world would have ceased to exist a long time ago. It's right to want to move forward, to keep living and find happiness again.
That's your right. You deserve it, after surviving something so tragic.
no subject
You're good at this.
[ He almost asks what he should get for surviving the Abbey, but, well. No this conversation is raw enough on his end already.
... A lot of things he could say are too raw on his end. "Keeps happening, so its hard to think the world wants me to". "Maybe Ozuma or his god agrees, and that's why their both here".
... But he shoves his tone lighter. Totally doesn't have the little vocal tells of someone who might be crying or anything still, not at all- ]
But that's kinda it. Two of the most important people of your life come back from the dead. At the same time.
... Shouldn't have been too much of a shock, Dezel's from like.. a hundred years ago... but..
[ He'd said, hadn't he? One a thousand years dead, the other only about two hundred. Ozuma's reach when he pulls in new heroes, right? It couldn't have been that... great, right? ]
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[She hadn't known that.]
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He was a child a hundred years ago, for me- [ But there's still that edge of ... something that hurts while talking about him. And he didn't... deny that Dezel was dead, which he seems to realize. ]
last I saw him [ Shit that doesn't sound any better ]
He stopped growing at about my height.
[ ... all these past tenses aren't helping are they? ]
1/2
So the young boy she met; Zaveid has know him as a fully fledged seraph. He's seen Dezel grow older, and he was his friend, and then he died.
That means there's been at least three, then. Three people Zaveid cared deeply for and lost, who then were brought here.
What an unfair thing to be put through. It happens sometimes, the way life is. There's nothing to do but accept it and find a way to manage the situation appropriately.
Knowing this, Rin's heart aches all the same for him, as if someone stretched a hand through her chest and squeezed it tightly. He shouldn't have to deal with that. That only makes it crueler if he has to say goodbye a second time.]
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Stop prattling, already. You're not convincing anyone.
[There's no heat behind the admonishment. She's not scolding him for being evasive, or because she wants the truth.]
If it's painful, you don't have to talk about it. We can just be quiet for a while.
[That would be better for him, right? She thinks he's starting to get it now.
He got blindsided by these new arrivals, and hasn't had time to work through it yet. That's why he hid inside her head. He's not ready to deal with it right now, and he certainly doesn't need to be pressured on it.
Unless he's ready to talk, she won't push him, then.]
no subject
The kid didn't deserve people looking at him and knowing he dies in the future. Zaveid had been trying to not say anythin - and he figured he did a pretty good job about it, but...
Maybe the Shepherd bond doesn't have a full two-way emotion read, but there's a flicker of warmth about her - either some overflow from Zaveid, or maybe his wind just circled a bit of warm air closer.
She's not Sorey - no one ever will be, his first good, proper shepherd. But he thinks maybe in a long list of fuckups, maybe he made a pretty good decision in reforming the pact with her. ]
Thanks [ Is a little rough sounding, because yes, he probably should have just requested to hide and dropped it to begin with.
But he is also Zaveid and sometimes he can't shut up. So, well.
It's about ten minutes before he speaks up. ]
I'm a massive idiot because I didn't think they were real. Kinda... shot them.
[ Before Rin freaks out, Zaveid should probably mention that his gun doesn't hurt seraphim.
But he forgot to mention that didn't he. ]
Oops. Sorry, I thought I'd already replied to this!
It will be hard to look at Dezel after this, and not think of what she's learned today.Hard, and not impossible. She feels badly for him, to know his fate, but it's not like he'll be struck dead the moment he leaves this world. From the sound of it, his end is tragic, but he'll be older. He won't be a little boy anymore. Maybe he'll even be ready for it.
Chances are much more likely it's not so clean, but Rin tries not to dwell on it. It's none of her business anyways, so she shouldn't meddle.
Ten minutes pass, and she forces her thoughts to wander to other things. How long it will take before she can go back to her room, if Sakura can be convinced to bring Koo by later for a visit, what she might like to eat later. Just idle things. She could try sleep again, but she'd rather stay up a little longer, if Zaveid wants company. And not long after thinking that, there he is on cue.]
Wow. Overreaction much?
[Yes, that's disturbing, but she's remarkably calm for such a confession. Sorta. She looks across the empty beds in the room towards the infirmary doors.]
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He's stuck. Hopefully the earth seraph will be tired and grumpy and won't want to chat Rin up. ]
There... was someone, who used to use illusions over his ...bound seraphim. Seigfreid would break the illusion, and the seraph free, with just stunning them a bit... [ Sounds like something he knows from experience. ]
'cause there was no way I should have just accepted they were both.. alive, and here, right?
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His explanation convinces her further of that, if it would just stun them. But when he poses that question, she has to plainly point something out to him, in the hopes it will help him work things out.]
You accepted it when it Dezel.
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Because somehow that makes a difference.
Except it does, for him. There was no way something as nice, if potmentoally as messy, as having both big loves of his life here at once, would happen to him... ]
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The guy with illusions... He'd try breakin' people's will. S'a lot harder to fight happiness than some guy stabbing you. [ This isn't exactly personal experience talking... but it almost is, with the hoarseness to his voice.
Probably the last piece of what made him flip out, huh.... ]
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If you still have doubts, I can boss you around. You can do errands and all sorts of degrading work for me until you get so irritated you know this has to be reality.
[Is she serious or being cheeky, who knows with Rin...]
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I'd... rather not face them again, at the moment.
Maybe later I can fetch you tea.
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[What, really? Rin blinks at the ceiling.]
Jeez, you really do have it bad...
[She pulls the blankets up around her with her one good arm, and turns to lay on her one uninjured side. She grunts like it's not exactly... comfortable. But having to constantly lie on her back or sit ramrod straight for so long makes her feel cramped and needing to stretch, so it's preferable.]
You can't put it off for too long, you know. It's an unfair situation, but for every day you avoid them, your stress is going to increase too.
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Zaveid can't tell and he's not that interested in asking to find out. Because its both, and .. he didn't realize he's that transparent to ... anyone who wasn't as naive as Sorey. Or maybe Sorey saw bits of it too, but was just too nice to actually ask or point them out.
He doesn't know-
A noisy exhale. ]
I know. Probably won't last much longer than a week.
people who can't cook will probably be happy...
[ Return of the stress baking- ]
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[This is sarcasm. Zaveid, even a week is kind of long for these things...
Then again, who's she to talk? For all she likes to approach things head on, even for her there are certain people she can't be straightforward with. Rin sighs, speaking seriously again.]
It's not my business, so you can do as you'd like.
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You can kick me out after a day or two, if you want. [ Not that... Rin herself can actively kick him out. A lot of the power in these Pacts rests with him, because they were designed that way. ]
Thanks
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["If" being the key word in that. She mumbles something under her breath shortly after that, actually; it's hard to make out, but it sounds like, "I'm surprised that you are."
Rin thinks to ask him about it, actually, but decides it would be too embarrassing. She'd have to admit just how poorly she feels. Here she's sitting in the infirmary with two broken ribs, and a arm that's more bruises, stab wounds, and muscle and nerve damage than flesh. It's painful, and worse than that it means she's not leaving here for at least a week.]
We'll trade. You can fetch me tea and give me privacy when I want it, and I'll read you bedtime stories when you get bored.
[HE'S GOING TO GET SO BORED. Or maybe that's just her. When Sakura isn't here or other surprise visitors, she's bored.]
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